


Walk with me

by BlingBlingBubbles



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Immortal (The Old Guard), Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Andy Quỳnh and Nile are also there for a short time, Blow Jobs, Bottom Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, Don't Like Don't Read, Fluff, Getting Back Together, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, I aged Joe up by three years, M/M, Mutual Pining, Naked Cuddling, Not Beta Read, Rimming, Top Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani, booker is only mentioned, i hope I got all the tags, like I explain the aging up and other things, there is a lot that I need to explain in the notes so please read them, they are both very soft and very whipped for each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 23:49:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29865945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlingBlingBubbles/pseuds/BlingBlingBubbles
Summary: Joe broke up with Nicky ten years ago and he really wasn't prepared to see him again. And Nicky also didn't seem to have expected him. But maybe this was Joe's chance to remedy things between them, maybe this was his chance to explain everything to Nicky. And maybe Nicky might give him another chance.
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 20
Kudos: 79





	Walk with me

Joe was still sure that breaking up with Nicky ten years ago was the worst decision of his life, even though it was the right one. So when Nickys father greeted him at the door and the proceeded to tell him, that Nicky was probably going to be so excited to see Joe again and catch up with him, Joe had a hard time not to wince. If he was completely honest he would rather run away than face any leftover anger that Nicky might still carry around or even worse what if Nicky didn’t care about him at all? That would hurt even more.  
His easy smile froze and he tried to not sound disappointed when he said:“Oh, Nicky is coming today? I thought, you told me that he was too busy?“  
Seeing Nickys father smile warmly thinking about his only son, made him feel even guiltier, he should be happy for his old professor that Nicky took his time to celebrate his birthday with him. Especially considering that he made it really obvious during the phone call, that he really wanted to see Nicky again and that it upset him, when Nicky told him he was too busy.  
„Yes, he is really busy but he moved a few things and is also taking work with him, but he is able to stay a couple of days. Apparently his boss is happy that he is taking at least some time off, even though there is still some work of his, that needs to be done“, Signore di Genova said,“And you know how he is! I wish I have had his work ethic when I was his age.“  
Yes, he knew how Nicky was. Even when he was eighteen years old he fought for everything he wanted and worked until he was about to collapse. Some things didn’t change. 

But he still wasn’t ready to see Nicky again. He still missed Nicky desperately. Missed his hand in his own, the cute little snort when he laughed at Joe’s antics, the blush on his cheeks when Joe complimented him, his warm and soft skin underneath his own fingertips, the way he always tried to take care of the people around him and was the gentlest person Joe knew, but also the most honest one. Joe tried to fill this void in the last ten years and some of the people he was with, were gorgeous and intelligent and kind and he had a great time with them, but they weren’t Nicky. He couldn’t love them like him. He desperately wanted Nicky by his side eye again but at the same time he was sure that he couldn’t even bear to look at Nicky, the guilt still eating him alive and overpowering everything else he felt. 

He tried to shake the thought off, instead greeted Nickys mother who was in the living room and in a conversation with Quynh, her wife Andy and Nile. It was nice to see the three of them again, this time not via videochat. He studied with Quynh and met Andy through her. Nile was somebody he taught at first and then later became a friend of them.  
Quynh was able to draw him into a conversation immediately after greeting them, like they just saw each other last night and not like it was almost two years ago that they saw each other in person last time and Joe was so very thankful for the distraction. In fact talking about his work and asking Quynh and Nile about theirs distracted him well enough that he didn’t look for Nicky in the crowd every few minutes.

It turned out he didn’t even need to look out for Nicky, because Quynh let out a yell, when she saw him coming in. Joe choked on his champagne and Andy grinned into her own glass, having most likely expected that reaction. She and Quynh had met Nicky, back then when Joe and Nicky were together and Joe still remembered how much shit they had given him after the break up. Considering how angry Andy was back then, Joe was pretty sure that she liked Nicky more than him, but he couldn’t even take offense, he understood it if somebody liked Nicky more. Even he hated himself for hurting Nicky even though he knew it was better for the both of them.  
Joe took one more deep breath and turned around to see Nicky coming into their direction, freezing for a second when his eyes met Joe’s. He looked like he was just as ready to flee as Joe felt just moments ago. Quynh wasn’t having it though and went over to Nickys side and after giving him a long hug, she grabbed him by the arm and dragged him along with her.  
Joe was surprised to say the least, Nicky and Quynh haven’t seen each other in ten years, yet he melted in Quynhs arms and Andys hug made Nicky burrow his head into her shoulder, Joe felt almost bad because he was so jealous that Quynh and Andy still got to hold Nicky but he didn’t. The most surprising thing however was Nickys beaming smile that he directed at Nile before she got her arms around his body and crashed into his body. How do they know each other? Joe didn’t even know Nile when he and Nicky were together. Could it be that Andy and Quynh stayed in contact with Nicky and introduced him to Nile and they didn’t even tell him?

Then Nicky turned to him and Joe forgot every thought that was plaguing his mind. He couldn’t appreciate Nicky the way he deserved it, when he was approaching them, out of sheer fear. But one look into his sea green eyes and the world stood still around them. He could pretend that he caught a whiff of Nicky aftershave. He was finally able to get lost in the beautiful color of his eyes again, which drew him in more than every ocean he saw in his life. The cute mole that just drew attention to those beautiful lips, and oh his lips, Joe swore he could still taste Nickys lips on his, feel them on his. While Nicky was beautiful when he was still so young, it was nothing compared to the vision he was now. Clean shaven and hair slicked out of his face, it just accentuated his gorgeous features, the high cheekbones, the roman nose that used to make him insecure no matter how often Joe kissed the tip, his sharp jawline and the soft curve of his lips. And even though Joe wasn’t a fan of sculpting, right now he wanted nothing more than to immortalize Nicky in marble.

It felt like a bucket of ice was emptied on his head, when Nicky just nodded at him:“Joe, good to see you.“  
He knew it was more than he deserved but it still crushed his heart. Maybe a tiny part of him still had hope that Nicky didn’t hate him. And considering how much his heart hurt, maybe the part wasn’t as small as Joe pretended it to be. The smile on Nicky’s face had vanished until Quynh got him a glass of champagne and Andy tried to save the mood.  
„How is Booker?“, she asked Nicky and that name rang a bell in Joes head, Booker was one of Andys friends when she did go abroad during her studies. Did Nicky and Booker work together? Joe knew that Booker was a lawyer, too but he wasn’t sure where he actually worked. Wasn’t Booker actually French?  
„I think he is doing better, now that I finally decided to take a break“, Nicky said laughing lightly, his free hand rubbing over his neck, like he always did when he felt bad or uncomfortable about something. It was still as endearing to Joe as it was back then.  
„You two are the worst people I know regarding your work-life balance“, Quynh said sighing exuberantly and then turned her wife,“Andy why did you introduce them to each other?“  
„Because they are good for each other“, Andy said,“They annoy each other into taking a break for once. Booker still hasn’t understood that Nicky isn’t a kid who needs his care. And Booker isn’t old enough for Nicky to actually respect him and not call him out on his bullshit.“  
„I respect him, I just don’t respect a lot of his lifestyle choices“, Nicky said drily and then taking a sip of champagne. This sounded like Nicky and Booker were just working together. Maybe they were friends. But even if there was more between them Nicky was free to do whatever he wanted, just because Joe was still hung up on him, it didn’t have to mean that Nicky felt the same.  
In fact, when Joe was perfectly honest right now, it seemed like Nicky wanted to be everywhere but in the same room as him, considering how tense he seemed standing next to him.  
The conversation shifted around him and only, when Nile spoke directly to him, Joe noticed how he got lost in his head.  
„Sorry, Nile, I didn’t quite catch that. I was lost in thought“, he said smiling sheepishly. Quynh snorted and Andy rolled her eyes. They probably knew exactly what he was thinking about and it didn’t even bother him. He was able to admit that Nicky was still his biggest weakness but also his greatest strength, or at least Nicky was his greatest strength, when he still took every step with him.

„I asked which place calls to you at the moment?“, Nile asked smiling, paying no attention to the two other woman or that Joe obviously didn’t listen to her before.  
For the first time since greeting him, Nickys attention shifted to him and the ocean eyes looked right into his and Joe swore he forgot to breathe for a second. Having Nickys full attention on him, still removed the floor under his feet and made his heart stop for a second before hammering like crazy in his chest.  
„A place calling you?“, he asked confused and turned completely to him. Joe only noticed distantly that Andy and Quynh took that as a sign to leave the two of them alone, dragging a confused Nile with them.  
Joe ran a hand through his curls and noticed Nickys eyes immediately following the motion of his hand, the slight twitch of his mouth as if he wanted to smile. Having Nickys full attention is always intense, when his eyes seemed to directly look into ones soul. But now Joe actually squirmed, not used to it anymore like he was back then.  
„I’m…uh…I haven’t been really staying in one place for a long time in the last ten years“, Joe had to admit,“The moment I find a new interesting place, which makes me feel something, I am gone and follow my inspiration. I have seen many beautiful countries, beautiful cultures and beautiful people which inspire my art…if you want to, I can show you some of my pictures.“

Nickys face closed off the more he talked and it stung, that the man who was once easy to read for him, at least most of the time, the man who had once let him see everything, was now so closed off, so guarded and Joe wasn’t even able to imagine where his mind might wander to.  
„Booker likes your pieces, I have seen some of them“, Nicky said, looking down into his glass.  
„Do you like them, too?“, he absolutely needed to know that, depending on the answer Joe’s heart might suffer even more damage or maybe, but he didn’t allow himself to be that hopeful, it might make his rest tonight easier, knowing that at least something he did still touched Nickys heart. That some part of him was still important to Nicky.  
„I am not really into art these days“, Nicky answered and Joe kind of felt like crying. He couldn’t help but wince. The answer made it very obvious that Nicky didn’t like his art. Joe knew he couldn’t expect Nicky to see the pictures as what he wanted to portray, couldn’t expect Nicky to know that without him those pictures wouldn’t even exist. He thought about one of his pictures, the one he missed ever since he sold it. He told the critics that the pictures was inspired by the beauty that was Iceland but in reality it was Nickys eyes. Sure there were pictures that weren’t directly inspired by Nicky but Nicky was kind of everywhere he went. Nicky was in everything and everybody he saw.

The uncomfortable silence seemed to make the distance between the two of them bigger and bigger. Nicky seemed to think that, too because he took a look at his watch, even though he only got there an hour ago and started to open his mouth, for sure wanting to tell him that he had to leave now, only to escape this. But Joe knew if he let Nicky go now, he wouldn’t ever get a chance again.  
„Nicolo, will you please listen to me“, he nearly begged and Joe saw the way Nicky squared his jaw, how his Adams apple bobbed as he swallowed. But this was important, they needed to have this conversation, even if it was ten years too late.  
„I have been listening to you, Joe“, Nicky said sighing and rubbed a hand over his eyes,“I am tired. I am going to go now.“  
Nicky turned to move, but Joe grabbed his wrist, loosely enough that Nicky was able to get rid of his grip if he really desired to do so, but Nicky just stared at the hand on his wrist and then looked into Joes eyes. A vulnerability in them that Joe hasn’t seen once tonight, a relic from the past, when Nicky didn’t have to cradle his heart in his hands to make sure it was okay. It felt punch to Joe’s gut.

„Let’s talk outside“, Nicky replied and Joe wanted to tell him, that he would fulfill every single one of Nickys wishes. Instead he just nodded and followed Nicky outside, grabbing their coats on the way out. They didn’t say a word while walking down the path to the lake and only when the lights from the house faded in the distance and only the moon and the stars light up the lake, Nicky sat down, and gestured for Joe to sit down next to him. Joe hastily nodded and much less elegant than Nicky sat down next to him, not daring to sit close enough to feel Nickys body against his, he might not be able to read Nicky as well as back then, but he was pretty sure that Nicky didn’t want to touch him. 

A few moments they sat there just in silence but when Joe just opened his mouth to explain himself, Nicky started to speak:“What do you expect from me, Joe? How did you expect me to act seeing you again after you hurt me so much?“  
Joe winced, Nicky sounded so tired, he wanted nothing more, then to cradle Nickys body in his arms. He glanced at him, but Nicky just looked out to the lake. The shining moon highlighted the sharpness of his cheekbones that wasn’t there when he has seen him the last time, just like the dark bags underneath his eyes. His face used to be softer, fuller. Nicky got older but was still just as stunning as back then.  
„When I told your father, that I would come, he said you weren’t going to be here“, Joe said, not bearing the thought that Nicky might think that he wanted to hurt him. That he came here only to remind Nicky of his first heartbreak.  
„So you didn’t want to see me“, Nicky asked and finally turned his head to look into his eyes. Of everything that Nicky could take away from this statement, it was this.  
„I did want to see you, Nicky“, Joe couldn’t help but whisper, he wanted to grapple at his feet and beg for forgiveness so Nicky would look at him less like he wanted to be everywhere but there, so Nicky wouldn’t feel uncomfortable in the place that he called home during the summer, when he was younger.  
„I just didn’t know you would be here, if I knew I would have been prepared better to see you again“, Joe admitted.  
Nickys lip twitched and he let a small smile spread to his face:“Then tell me, Joe, what would you have prepared if you knew I would be coming.“  
Joe moved to turn, so he could look at Nicky directly, after a moment of hesitation he grabbed Nickys hands and after flinching, which made Joe hate himself more and more, Nicky relaxed again. Joe couldn’t help but notice how Nickys hands were cold as ice and was reminded of all the times, that he spent warming his hands between his own palms. 

He didn’t have to think about his answer, it came to him as natural as breathing. All those nights where he lay down but just kept staring at the ceiling and thought about what he would tell Nicky if he had the chance.  
„I would have prepared a speech telling you how sorry I am for all the pain I have caused you. Explaining what I couldn’t explain then. I didn’t stop loving you for a second, Nicolo. I just thought it would be the best for you if I left you. I was your first boyfriend, you gave me your first time and I honor that memory and I would have done everything to be your only one. I wanted to be that selfish, beg for you to stay in Vienna or I would have gone with you to Berlin. I just wanted to stay by your side. But you deserved better, you deserved to have all the experiences you wanted, you deserved to have the love of somebody else, too. How were you supposed to know that I was the one for you, when you didn’t have somebody to compare me to, when you didn’t know how other people make you feel, people who maybe make you feel better and more loved. And I wanted you to spend your weekends and holidays with your new friends in University instead of cancelling plans because you have a boyfriend to go home to. You deserved the same Uni experience that I had. And I know that if we stayed together you would have sacrificed all of that to be with me.“  
Joe couldn’t really place that look in Nickys eyes and it unnerved him, not being able to pinpoint how his reason appealed to him.  
„I didn’t want to hold you back, Nicky. I didn’t want to force you to skip the greatest part of your life, the time when you are supposed to have so much fun only for you to stay at home with me. I wanted you to be able to go abroad for a year without having to think about our relationship and how we would handle it, I wanted you to go out on weekends with your friends without feeling bad because I was home alone. It could have been possible that I wouldn’t have been able to go with you and then you would have had the pressure of studying law and having a long distance relationship…“  
Joe took a deep breath, the next part was harder, he clutched Nickys hands tighter between his:“And I felt so bad about our relationship.“  
Nicky actually recoiled from his touch, but Joe would tell him now, because dealing with that had been so difficult and Nicky deserved to know everything:“I felt bad because you were so young. I was about to finish university while you just started, I was the first man who was interested in you, I was your first everything and I couldn’t help but feel like I took advantage of the fact that you craved the attention so badly. I know everything we did was something you consented to and yes, we waited till you were eighteen before we started to explore the depth of our affection but you wanted to finally have your first kiss, your first time, your first relationship, you craved the romantic attraction and I was the only gay man in your closer circle, you didn’t have men to choose from, it was my affection or none. I felt like you needed more choices in your life. I didn’t want you to spend your life with me because you don’t know other man who could maybe give you more than I could. I didn’t want you to feel inexperienced, inadequate or insecure for a single second.“  
Nickys eyes didn’t betray any of his feelings and Joe knew, that this apology did nothing for his feelings towards him.

Nicky freed his hands and stood up,“If you gave me the choice between our relationship and the university life you celebrated so much, I would have chosen our relationship.“  
Joe stood up and tried to reach for Nicky but he took a step back and the distance between them never felt greater:“I know that, which is why I had to make the decision, why I had to make the choice to step away, so you could thrive.“  
„You took my choice away, Yusuf“, Nicky said and Joe never heard him so angry, so loud,“You tell me, that you felt like I have had no choice but you and then you took my choice away, thinking it was the best thing for me. Also do you think I was that needy, that desperate that I was willing to throw my affection at every men who seemed to have an ounce of interest in me!?“  
„I just wanted the best for you, Nicolo. I loved you so much and you deserved more“, Joe said, he couldn’t look away from the storm that was brewing in Nickys eyes.  
„You were the best for me“, Nicky said and sounded so incredibly small, so defeated,“I only wanted you, I still only want you and I hate myself for that. I work so much to not think of you and I want to kill Booker every time he steps into the office with new artwork from you. Because I look at them and I think about how well you are without me, how you have lovers and a normal life, while I just sit in my office, drown myself in work and coffee so I don’t think about you, because you are still the only man who ever had my heart in the palm of his hand and who still owns it, even years after breaking it.“  
Joe felt like the air was knocked out of his lungs. Did that mean what he thought it meant? He felt like the butterflies in his stomach when from the lethargic circles to fast, uncoordinated fluttering. Feeling brave he took a step forward.  
„Habibi“, he said softly and Nickys mouth opened as if he wanted to say something, but Joe placed his finger on the soft lips and he felt electricity circling through his veins,“There were lovers, yes. They all resembled you but none of them touched my heart. Wherever I went, I just thought about how much more beautiful and enjoyable it would be if you were by my side. I was a shell walking the earth without you. When I saw you today, I thought my heart was coming back to life. Nobody else makes me feel as alive as you do.“  
„Yusuf, you don’t even know me. It has been ten years, I changed, I am a different person now“, Nicky said softly, his voice barely more than a whisper. Joe couldn’t help himself, when he put his hands on Nickys cheeks, his thumbs stroking over the soft skin of his cheekbones.

„We are both very different people and that is a good thing and it’s not going to make me love you less“, he said and Nicky stared at him wide eyed and with something soft in his eyes that Joe hasn’t seen this whole evening. It was the look that haunted every single one of Joes dreams because it only reminded him of the fact that he used to be the luckiest man in the world before he walked away from it, before he had to walk away from it. He couldn’t hold himself back anymore, he took the leap of faith and pressed his lips to Nickys. His heart stopped beating for a second only to start again, hammering faster in his chest than before, under Nickys hands which were fisted in the lapels of his coat. A desperation he didn’t know before, clawed at him and he pressed Nicky as close as he could to his body. He once walked away from Nicky and he swore to himself that he would do everything in his power to keep Nicky from walking away this time, to never let him go again. Nicky seemed to be as desperate as him, chasing his lips when he drew back to lean his own forehead against Nickys. Joe yearned for Nicky telling him, that he loved him too, but he didn’t want to ask for too much. Too scared of potentially chasing Nicky away.  
„I spent so much time being angry at you after I was done crying“, Nicky murmured and Joe winced, not wanting to think about the pain that he caused.  
„And then I still kept on loving you, missing you, even years after. Nobody measured up to you and they noticed. And I got even more angry because you ruined me for everybody else“, Nicky now looked up to him and he was able to see the hurt in his eyes. Joe supposed that he deserved to feel pain hearing that.  
„Nicky, you have to trust me, I didn’t want that for you. I wanted you to have fun with other people, be loved by other people and love them“, he knew he rambled but he needed Nicky to know that, that he didn’t want him to suffer so long. That he didn’t want Nicky to be alone because he couldn’t love other people.  
Nicky gave a watery laugh:“I know that, Yusuf. I know you wouldn’t have the intent hurt me that much…and at some point I had to realize that it was a choice that was good for us. I had so many insecurities back then…but still, it hurt so bad, losing the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.“  
And Joe knew how much that hurt, they both went through that, but he still felt like they needed that and if he would get a chance to do it differently, the only thing he would change, is the way he did it. 

Joe felt Nickys hands gliding up to his neck, playing with the curls at the back of his head and the next thing he felt were Nickys lips on his. This kiss much softer than the last one and Joe felt fireworks exploding in his stomach. There was no place in the world where he would rather be then on the shore of the lake with Nicolo in his arms. Nickys hand were tangled in his hair and when Joe slipped his tongue past Nickys lips, Nicky actually mewled into the kiss. Joes hands wandered under Nickys wool coat, his hands stopping for a short moment at Nickys lower back, before finding their way under his shirt, finally touching the warm, soft skin. The kiss was broken by Nicky yanking at his hair.  
„Yusuf, take me to your home“, Joe really couldn’t believe his luck. A grin spread across his face:“I hope you don’t have plans for tomorrow because I can’t promise you that you can walk after I’m done with you. Now that I finally get to be with you.“

Nicky laughed laud and uninhibited:“We will see about that, old man.“  
Joe spluttered:“Old man? Since when are you old, when you are in your mid thirties?“  
„Mid thirties are kind of old, when you are still in your twenties“, Nicky grinned,“But maybe you can convince me that I’m wrong. Right now it looks like you just want to talk and not do anything.“  
Joe stepped closer to Nicky, cupping his chin in one hand, his thumb sliding across Nickys bottom lip, unconsciously Nicky opened his mouth and Joe slipped his thumb into the warm heat:“Believe me, Nicky, if it weren’t for the fact that this is our first time since ten years and wanting to make it special because of that, I would bend you over right now, fuck you until you are whimpering mess who only knows my name and then, just before you come, I would tuck you back in and take you back to your fathers birthday party. And we would stay there, you hard in your pants and leaking my cum, until it’s late enough that it wouldn’t be impolite to leave.“  
He removed his thumb from Nickys mouth, which made Nicky whimper, his eyes have gotten darker and he clung to Joes body.  
„But I want to make it special, so I am going to call a taxi and we are going to the AirBnb I have rented“, Joe said happily and patted Nickys delectable butt. He couldn’t hide his smirk when he took a few steps back. It was nice knowing he still had so much influence on Nicky, really nice. Knowing he was still able to make Nicky speechless. Walking into the direction of the road, he turned around to Nicky who was still rooted to the spot.

„You coming?“, he asked smirking and reached a hand out to Nicky, who took it and stumbled after him. When Nicky was next to him, Joe slung his arm around his trim waist and basked in the feeling of Nicky huddling as close to him as possible. After they called for a taxi, they didn’t have to wait too long. Nicky quickly sent his father a text, that he had to leave early because he didn’t feel good. Joe hoped that Andy would have an excuse for him if Nickys dad noticed his absence. But to be frank, he didn’t particularly care, all he wanted was Nicky in his arms, Nicky underneath him, Nicky cuddled to his chest.  
Every centimeter separating them was too much and Nicky seemed to feel the same, considering how he grabbed Joes hand and placed it on his own thigh, threading their fingers together, once they sat down in the car. The ride wasn’t far and still, Joe couldn’t help himself, stroked the inside of Nickys thigh with his thumb, he noticed how Nickys breath hitched when he started doing that and pleased Joe noted how the insides of Nickys thighs were still sensitive spots. He couldn’t wait to sink his teeth into them and suck on the soft skin, until the spot bloomed underneath his mouth.

When they arrived at the cabin Joe rented, they couldn’t pay and get out of the car fast enough. In fact they barely passed the threshold and closed the door when Nickys back was already pressed against it, Joes lips caressing his throat while Nickys hands slid his coat off to bury his hands in Joes shoulders. A whimper escaped Nicky when Joe latched onto his throat, sucking on the skin until there was a nice bruise blossoming on the soft skin. He had slotted a leg between Nickys and watched him rub against it, his own name escaping the younger mans lips, it was music in Joes ears.  
With a smirk on his lips he watched Nicky rub himself against his clothed thigh and started to palm his own cock through his trousers. He soon took pity on Nicolo and undid the buttons on the bottom of Nickys shirt then opened Nickys trousers, to slip his hands inside, palming Nickys cock and watched his beloved rut against his hand.  
His free hand moved to Nickys face, his thumb stroking across Nickys cheek bone, then to his lips, before dipping inside Nickys mouth. When Nicky started sucking and licking, he was barely able to tear his eyes away from Nickys lips. Nicky was still mostly dressed, yet he already looked so debauched. Joe removed his thumb from Nickys mouth and let it wander under Nickys shirt, dragging his wet thumb across Nickys nipple.  
„So desperate for it, Babe, aren’t you“, he murmured and Nicky mewled,“Do you think you are able to come like that?“  
„Wanna come on your cock“, Nicky gasped and Joe’s cock throbbed in his pants. He leaned his forehead against Nickys, their breaths mingling. Then he took his hand out of Nickys trousers and took a measured step back. Starting with the buttons on his shirt he turned around to move towards the bedroom:“I think you are still wearing far too many clothes for that.“

He stepped into the bedroom and took his shirt off completely and then his shoes, before sitting down in the armchair in the corner of the room, waiting for Nicky. And then Nicky was there, stepping into the room naked, cheeks flushed, pupils blown wide. Joe couldn’t believe that Nicky got even more attractive over the years, filling out in all the right places. His cock was leaking precome and Joe couldn’t help but feel proud that he did that to Nicky. He spread his legs further, smirking when Nickys eyes, which seemed to be entranced with his bare chest moved down to the bulge in his pants.  
„I can’t believe that you got even more beautiful, Qamari“, he said, watching how a little smirk appeared on Nickys face. Joe still remembered how shy and insecure Nicky sometimes was back then and he was glad that the last couple of years helped Nicky to get more confident. Helped him own his body and his desires. It showed in the way Nicky crossed the room, confident and with swaying hips, it made his cock harden even more if that was even possible. His breath hitched for a second when Nicky went down on his knees in front of him. Such simple things still took his breath when it was Nicky. Who was the only one who had so much power over him.

He cupped his own cock and looking at Nicky, whose eyes seemed to be glued to the bulge in his pants, he asked:“Do you think, you deserve this?“  
Nicky seemed to be ripped out of his trance and looked almost petulant when their met again:“I have wanted your cock in my mouth for the last ten years. Yes, I deserve it.“

And how could Joe say no to that? He opened his trousers and he barely got them and his underwear shoved down far enough, before he felt Nickys overeager mouth around his cock. He caressed Nickys cheek for a moment before grabbing his hair at the back of his neck, Nicky looked up at him, the seagreen color of his eyes barely visible, only a small ring left to be see around his wide pupils. Slowly he started to push Nicky down on his cock, to not overwhelm him, not wanting to go to far. Nicky however proved that he was always able to surprise Joe because his eyes fluttered shut and he looked downright blissful. Snapping his hips forward he felt his cock hitting the back of Nickys throat. Over and over he buried himself in the warmth of Nickys mouth, one hand fisted in Nickys hair. Nicky gagged around his cock, his nose buried in the curls at the base of Joes cock and looked up at Joe with watery sea green eyes.  
„You are the most beautiful sight ever created, my Nicolò “, Joe moaned out, the rhythm of his hips getting faster,“So beautiful taking my cock. Like you were made for this.“  
Nicky whimpered around his cock, the vibration made Joe throw his head back, groaning Nickys name. Even in his wildest dream, he didn’t think he would get this again, he felt Nickys hands search for purchase on his knees. Using all his willpower, wanting little more than coming down Nickys throat, he yanked Nickys head back bis hair. Nickys whimpered and his eyes opened, trying hard to focus on Joe. Nicky was a sight like this, naked between his knees, cock leaking precome just from getting a dick in his mouth but his face, his face was the most exhilarating view, cheeks flushed, eyes unfocused and watery, his lips red and swollen. With a hand around his cock, he smeared his own precome across Nickys lips, watch him chase his cock to take it back into his mouth.  
„So needy, Nicky, who would have thought that you got even more desperate for my cock“, he said breathing heavily, squeezing the base of his cock before lazily stroking it, watching how Nickys eyes followed his movement.  
„Use your words, baby, tell me what you want. Beg for it“, he murmured and watched how Nicky bit his lips.  
„You deserve everything, Habibi“, he said and stroked Nickys cheek,“You waited long enough. But you need to tell me what you want.“  
Nickys voice was breathy when he answered, nestling his cheek against Joes hand:“Want you to fuck me.“

If Joe was honest, as much as he wanted to feel Nicky swallow around his cock while he came down his throat or wanted to paint his face with his cum, he was glad that Nicky asked for this. Smiling he patted Nickys cheek:“Up on the bed, habibi.“  
With coltish legs Nicky got up and Joe reached his hands out to stabilize the love of his life who just smiled softly at him. When Nicky got on the bed, Joe stood up and rummaged through his bag for a second before finding the lube and a strip of condoms. When Joe turned around he was greeted with a view of Nickys ass in the air. And as gorgeous as that view was, he had other plans.  
„Get on your back, love, I want to see you“, he murmured before crossing the room, putting the condoms and lube close to Nickys head, before kneeling down between his legs after Nicky turned around, gripping Nickys ankles and spreading his bent legs further. His eyes wandered down from Nickys half closed eyes, to his now blemished throat, the slight flush which travelled down his chest, the hard nipples and his hard cock leaking precum against his stomach. And then there was his hole, bared for him, Joes cock twitched at the though of burying himself in that tight heat. Leaning forward he pressed his lips to Nickys, kissing him passionately enjoying the way Nickys fingers pulled at his hair, before letting his lips follow the trail his eyes took, pressing a gentle kiss to Nickys soft belly, appreciating that Nicky didn’t feel frail in his hands compared to then, but now got thighs Joe wanted to be smothered by. 

Grabbing the lube, he squeezed some on his finger, letting them wander down Nickys crack and rubbing over bis hole, while sucking on the head of his cock, watching enraptured how Nicky fisted the sheets, how he writhed. Joe pulled off and brushed his hand across Nickys belly.  
„I got you, babe, you are going to get exactly what you need.“  
With that he dove down, licking a stripe along Nickys hole, while gently prodding at his rim with slicked fingers, before breaching Nickys hole with the tip of his tongue, He felt how Nicky buried his hand in his curls, as he started fucking him with his tongue. When the first finger slid in besides his tongue, touching and prodding until he found that spot in Nickys tight heat, that spot that made Nicky curl his legs around his head and groan loudly. It would be easy to slip in a second finger at this point but he still grabbed the lube again, squeezing more on his fingers, rubbing it along Nickys hole before using more to slip his second finger inside, listening to the wet sound of his fingers and his tongue pushing in and out of his hole. Scissoring his two fingers, he drizzled some lube on a third finger, pushing it in alongside and made Nicky gasp.  
„Want your cock, Joe, please“, he gasped,“Need to feel you.“  
Joe looked up at the apple of his eye, taking in how debauched he looked, completely opposite of the closed off, put together Nicky he has seen at the beginning of the evening, both indescribable beautiful.  
„Are you sure, you are ready, tesoro“, he asked, couldn’t help but tease Nicky a tiny bit, scissoring his fingers and then rubbing them over Nickys prostate. He leaned down to blow on Nickys hole, watched how the muscles of Nickys thighs tensed up.  
„Joe, fuck me“, if he didn’t look so desperate, Joe would have said that Nicky almost sounded petulant.  
„Please“, he added sounding much softer and Joe took pity, removing his fingers from the tight heat. He grasped his own cock in his hand, the view far too enticing to resist smearing his own precome over Nickys entrance. Reaching next to Nickys head, he ripped one condom of the strip, after opening it with his mouth, just when he wanted to put it on, Nickys hands on his stopped him. He watched how Nicky who had sat up, gently took the condom from him. A deep guttural sound escaping his own lips when Nicky rolled the condom over his cock. Then he gently pushed Nicky back, so he was back to laying on his back and looking up at him. 

He put one hand on Nickys belly, softly stroking the smooth skin with his thumb and with the other one grasped his own cock and with a sharp snap of his hips, he was finally buried in Nicolòs body, a loud groan escaped him, the slick, tight heat of Nicky too tempting to try to drag it out even more. Grabbing Nickys ankles he put them over his shoulders, bending Nicky in half when he leaned forward to press kisses to Nickys beautiful face.  
Turning his head Nicky caught his lips in a kiss that was more tongue and teeth but still exhilarating. He began to slowly move his hips, pulling nearly completely out before pushing back in, he wanted to take it slow, drive Nicky crazy with how much he wanted it.  
„You feel so good, Nicky“, he groaned, delivering a much harder thrust that made Nicky gasp and reach for headboard to hold onto something,“So tight and hot around my cock. Like you were made for this. Made for my cock.“  
Nicky keened and arched his back under him, letting out the sweetest noises. Picking up his pace, slamming his cock inside Nicky harder, faster and hitting that sweet spot in Nicky over and over again, he watched his moon becoming a babbling mess.  
Feeling himself approaching the cliffs of his orgasm, he started stroking Nickys cock, dragging his thumb across the leaking tip and after a particular hard thrust, Nicky came with his name on his lips, the muscles contracting around his cock, as if trying to drag him deeper, it pushed Joe over the cliffs and he came with a loud groan. 

Trying hard to not crush Nicky under him, he held himself up with shaky muscles before pulling out carefully, before settling on his back next to Nicky who was still breathing heavily. After a couple of minutes Joe stood up on shaky legs, disposing of the condom and grabbing a washcloth which he held under warm water for a couple of seconds before returning to Nicky, who smiled lazily when he saw Joe again. After wiping Nicky clean, he threw the cloth in the direction of the hamper. Nicky then settled on his chest, which was filled with a warm feeling, burying his nose in Nickys hair for a few seconds, Joe sighed blissfully, still not believing that this was not a dream. That Nicky was real, warm and soft in his arms. Joe knew that they still had things to talk about but he swore to himself that he would never ever let Nicky go again. He wouldn’t doubt the universe again and throw away another chance.

„What are you thinking about, Shamsi“, Nicky asked and Joe felt like his heart was beating way too fast for it to be healthy. He looked down into Nickys eyes, which were still a bit watery, he had a soft smile on his swollen lips, a healthy flush adorning his cheeks. Joe knew he did the right thing back then, but still he swore to himself, now he wouldn’t ever again walk away from this treasure. And he would do absolutely everything to make this work.  
„I’m thinking about Berlin. I heard that it is quite a nice city.“  
Nicky snorted, actually snorted and Joe wanted nothing more than to hear that sound for the rest of his life.  
„I don’t know who told you this but they are lying“, Nicky said and looked at him with that beautiful smile of his, eyes full of mirth.  
Starting to stroke Nickys cheek with one hand, who in turn nuzzled his hand, he answered:“Yes, but there is this really cute, crazy intelligent, indescribably beautiful lawyer who is the kindest person I have ever met and I think he is worth the move to Berlin.“  
With glee Joe noted how the flush on Nickys cheek intensified.  
„Not sure if I know him, but I have a flat with a bed where one side is empty and a big office with good lighting that isn’t used.“  
„Sounds perfect, when can I move in?“, Joe asked and was already getting lost in fantasies of living together with Nicky. They never got to take that step and Joe wanted very few things more but if Nicky wanted to take it slow and continue to live separately for a while, he would respect it.  
When Nicky didn’t answer for a while, doubt started to creep in, maybe he overstepped, maybe Nicky just joked. Even though he didn’t expect Nicky to joke about something like that. Nicky however just sat up, grabbing the covers, pulling them up and bringing his knees to his chest. He looked so small and fragile that Joe felt his heart breaking and the worst part is that Joe didn’t even know what was wrong. After connecting again, he now felt out of the loop again. 

„Nicolò“, he said softly, sitting up now, too. Tentatively he reached out to grasp Nickys hand and to his relief, Nicky immediately clasped their fingers together.  
„Talk to me, Habibi, we don’t have to move in together immediately. We will do everything at your speed, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable“, he said, words just falling out of his mouth, hoping that he said the right thing.  
„Of course I want to live with you, you fool“, Nicky said and Joe sighed in relief, at least Nicky didn’t seem upset with him.  
„I want to live together with you, I want to be with you…I want you to stay with me, wake up next to you everyday. But what is going to happen, when another place is „calling you“. I can’t just leave with you and I am also not going to wait for you, not knowing when you get back or if you even come back. My heart is not your plaything.“  
Joes heart stuttered in his chest, he couldn’t believe that Nicky thought he wasn’t worth staying. That he would leave him behind because he wanted to travel.  
„Nicolo, habibi, please look at me“, he begged, wanting Nicky to see how sincere he was,“Even if I have to tell you every single day, that there is not a place in the world that would call more to me than the space right beside you, I would do it. Because I love you more than my heart can handle.“  
„How do you know that? That three maybe four years down the line, when you have been staying in Berlin, apart from a vacation every now and then, you still want to be there and not in Rome or Marrakech or Prague?“, Nicky asked,“Don’t you understand how different we are? How different our lives are? You would need to give up so much if you decide to stay with me! Apart from that one move I did in Germany and the time I went abroad for a year, I didn’t relocate at all and with my job it’s really difficult. When you want to be with me, you have to change the way you live your life. And I don’t want to be the reason that you are unhappy.“

Was Nicky really trying say what Joe dreaded to hear? Shuffling closer to Nicky, he cupped his face so Nicky had to look at him, the green eyes watery and not in the way that pleased Joe.  
„Habibi, believe me that I don’t have to give up something to be with you. All of my travels were just my way to forget you. Everytime I got restless and every time I started seeing you in everything around me, I left. Why would I feel the need to leave Berlin if I have you by my side? When I don’t have to flee from my memories but instead get to make new ones with you. Nicky, I love you, more than life itself.“  
„But your art, Joe? You always that you get inspired by the places you see“, Nicky said and Joe felt one of the corners of his mouth twitch upwards, desperately wanting to see Nicky smile again, he teased him:“So you kept up with my work and my interviews even though you aren’t interested in art anymore.“  
Instead of smiling Nicky frowned:“Don’t deflect.“  
He sounded so tired, like he already gave up. And Joe wanted nothing more than to gather him into his arms, press him as close to his body as possible, but he still wasn’t sure if that was welcome.  
Stroking a strand of Nickys hair behind his ear, he replied earnestly:“Yes, there are a pictures that I painted inspired by some places I have visited but you are my greatest Inspiration. I am inspired by you, by us, by my feelings for you, by my regrets, our saddest and our happiest memories. My life has been revolving around you, ever since I met you. There wasn’t a single day I didn’t think about you. There wasn’t a single place where I didn’t wish you were there with me.“

Nicky started looking down at one point during his speech and he felt like he was hurled back into space again, floating away into the abyss, just after he was welcomed in the warm comforting space that was the easy understanding between the two of them.  
„Hayati, please talk to me“, he begged when he saw a tear trailing down Nickys cheek. Gently wiping the tear away with his thumb, Joe leaned his own forehead against Nickys, trying hard to swallow his own tears. He was dreading the outcome of this situation, it seemed hopeless. He felt like nothing he could say, would convince Nicky that he was enough and Joe hated that Nicky doubted himself and the importance of his presence in Joe’s life.  
„I don’t need anything in my life but you, Nicky. You are my everything. You are my moon who guides and my warmth when I shiver in the cold.You are more to me than you can imagine in your dream…but if that is not how you feel…or if you aren’t ready…“, he couldn’t bring himself to end the sentence, of course he would respect Nickys decision but he desperately hoped that this night was the beginning of something beautiful.

A sob escaped Nickys lips and then he crashed his lips against Joes, climbing into his lap. Between kisses, he murmured:“I feel the same way, Joe. How can I not?“  
When Nicky pulled away, Joe tried chasing his lips, his hands unintentionally tightening their grip on Nickys hips.  
A little adorable snort escaped Nicky:“I am not running away, Joe.“  
So this was the moment, Joe thought, when he would allow Nicky to either breathe life back into him or crush his heart forever and irreparable:“Habibi, do you want to be with me?“  
Nicky smile was unbearably soft when he answered:“Of course I want to be with you, Yusuf.“  
Cradling Nicky close to him and leaning against the headboard of the bed, he wrapped the blankets tighter around Nicky who still sat in his lap and now put his head on Joe’s shoulder. Rubbing softly over Nickys back and enjoying the way Nicky pressed kisses along his throat while they both watched how the sun slowly started to rise behind the mountains, starting to bask the room in soft light, the beginning of a new day. The first day of their life together.  
„Tell me about Iceland“, Nicky murmured after a while, his warm breath tickling Joe’s throat.  
Joe felt his heart beating faster, how did Nicky know about his time there:“Iceland?“  
„Yes, one of the pictures you painted there is in my office“, Nicky answered, nuzzling his neck.  
„You told me that you didn’t keep up with my art“, Joe accused him lightly, poking his side.  
„Tell me about Iceland“, Nicky repeated after batting Joe’s tickling fingers away. Joe put his arms around Nickys body again, a soft smile on his lips when Nicky practically melted against him, all the tension in his body gone. Going back to caressing Nickys back, he started to tell him about Iceland. The sunlight illuminating the room even more, basking Joe’s world in a soft glow and for the first time in years, he finally felt like he was home.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, first of all I aged Joe up, by about three years, so he is now six years older than Nicky. The reason is basically that it fit better into the plot because of the point that I wanted to make.  
> I wanted it to be a point that Joe broke up with Nicky because it was better for Nicky and for him. They never did anything while Nicky was underage. Never. They waited. And Joe broke up with him when he realized that at this point their age gap is too big to be good for Nicky. Joe did what an adult should do at this point and take a step back. I don’t want to offend anyone with this fic and I honestly worried a lot about it.  
> Edit: Somebody was so kind to point something out in the comments. I just want to mention that in this fic Joe met Nicky a couple of months before Nicky turned 18, when Joe was working for Nickys dad. I definitely didn't want to imply something more sinister. They met shortly before Nicky turned 18, got along well but they only started to explore what might be there between them when Nicky was old enough.
> 
> I want to say thank you to the awesome people from the discord who have helped me so much, without you this fic probably would exist in this completed form. Thank you for your encouragement and your support!
> 
> Anyway I hope you enjoy my first work in the fandom!


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